All I want for Christmas is a ridiculously overpriced pair of shoes.

Seriously. Is $2,000 too much to ask for the perfect boot???  The things I'd be willing to do for these shoes. OH MAN. (Alexander McQueen, the man, to be specific)  These are literally the PERFECT shoe.  Better than a man, any day.  Unless that man is very wealthy and can buy me these shoes, because I certainly could never afford them.

10 Reasons Why Shoes Are Better Than Men

• They come in pairs
• We pick their size
• They prefer to be fixed
• They always compliment us
• They wait right where we left them
• They’re returnable
• They don’t mind being cleaned up
• They like it when we “step on them”
• They always know how to make us feel better
• They don’t get jealous if we’ve had multiple shoe experiences

*** excerpt from the book Never Trust a Man in Alligator Loafer by Donna Sozio

The perfect tattoo

So it's not like I want a(nother) tattoo.  However, tonight, the WI BFF and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Top Chef in the background... "You love pork so much, you even have a tattoo of a pig!"

Me:  I want to get a tattoo of bacon sizzling.  Like right here... (points to inner thigh)
WIBFF: No you don't.  I wouldn't let you.
Me:  Yeah, I do!  And then I go on a rant about having sex and having the bacon sizzle on my legs, and from there it got weird.

So nonetheless, I'm going to get a tattoo of bacon on one of three places.  Either my inner thigh, the back of my thighs, or the bottom of my feet.  Either way, that shit be sizzlin!  And I will do this just to spite her.

Teen Angst isn't a good color on anyone.

Ahhh teen angst. In the form of vampire/werewolf/sci-fi nerdity. I am not ashamed to admit that I'm a 25 year old who has seen the Twilight and New Moon movies.

I maybe should be a little ashamed to admit that I was at the midnight opening for both? And loved it? And judged the shit out of all the 14 year olds there while WI BFF, BFF, and BFF's lil sis played suck, chuck, or fuck* while they warned me to watch my language?

Alas, I am not ashamed. I, however, haven't felt so much palpable angst in one room since the turn of the century. Since I was in high school at the turn of this century. It was not a good feeling. Ick, teen angst.

*Apparently my friends and I made up the title to this game. I think there is another name for it somewhere. Basically, pick 3 people and choose who you would marry (suck), have a one night stand with (fuck), and throw off a bridge (chuck). My friends and I are die hard romantics.

Pathetic excuse for a date

I admit, every once and awhile...

i.e. when my friends are gushing about their fantastic love lives, getting engaged, getting married, making little alien babies, and having more one night stands than Ashley furniture....

every once and awhile, I feel a little lonely.

Sometimes when this incredible bout of depression hits, I feel desperate. Enter: online dating. Best of all, I refuse to pay for this version of personal therapy, so I'm on a free site. Let's just say I will not commit to paying to go on a date because this way, I have better stories. Right? Right.

So recently, one of these little bouts of depression hit. Probably after being slighted numerous times when meeting groups of guys at the bar who would rather try to hook up with my obviously taken friends than the slutty, drunk version of me.

Anyhow, I agreed to meet this guy for happy hour in a public location so I would be heard if I screamed bloody murder. 7:30 happy hour???? Whatever, this guy doesn't have a clue about day drinking. So I agree for a Thursday night adventure. We agreed to this about a week and a half before the actual date. Then, out of nowhere he "deleted" his profile from the website - which meant I couldn't contact him to tell him it creeped me the fuck out or that I had other plans. Of course, I didn't have other plans, and my friends convinced me I should go because "what if he's the man of your dreams" or some other bullshit.

So I went, not remembering what he looked like (and not being able to do research since he deleted his profile), not having his phone number (because I have a strict "nobody gets in my phone before they get in my pants" rule), and pretty much a shitty attitude about the whole thing.

Showed up promptly at 7:20. Sat near the door until 7:30. Moved to the bar at 7:30, ordered a beer, and looked around, trying to see if there was a glimmer of recognition with any of the guys around. None. Paid for my tab at 7:40, left the bar at 7:45. I WAIT FOR NO ONE.

So yes, there you have it. I got fucking stood up by a guy whose name was "singing nerd", chose fucking Creed as his ultimate karaoke song, and was in a band that played at the Renaissance Festival. Never have I ever had such low self esteem.

And there you have it. Bitter with baggage seeks same.

Hot 100 - #24 complete!

I didn't even know what #24 was going to be, but I accomplished it this weekend.

#24 - Crash a wedding dressed as a superhero.

My friends and I dressed as the Justice League for Halloween, with Wonder Woman, Superman, Batman, and the Flash represented. We also had a cameo appearance from the Green Lantern, but he was a Michigan fan and thusly, doesn't count. The Punisher also joined during a hazy moment.

We enjoyed a night at Ghastof's in NE Minneapolis. The Friday night before Halloween, I expected costumes abundant. Nay, I tell you, we were definitely the only ones in costume for the first hour.

However, a couple was clearly celebrating their wedding reception on the dance floor at Ghastof's with 10% beer and nothing but their love to show. And I was there in a cape.

I am neurotic.

Or so says this website. I have a confession... for those of you that don't know me... I'm a little bit crazy.

I came across iamneurotic.com. After looking through some of the entries, I thought - well at least I'm not batshit crazy! I don't do THIS crazy shit!

And then I started clicking "me too!" because some started making sense. And it all went downhill from there.

Moral of the story, turns out I am a bit crazy. I posted my craziest, most neurotic tendency on this website here. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of this. Perhaps to get a ton of "me too"'s or maybe get zero so I thought I was uniquely crazy.

I got 18. And then I realized, not only am I crazy, but a shit ton of other crazies are out there in the world and I really need to watch my back (and ankles!).

I suggest you post your craziness on there just to test how nutso you are.

slumlord millionaire

Wow, guess it takes some time away to realize how much you really needed a vacation! I spent 4 days on the beach in Florida, then 3 days at Disneyworld. Totally amazing.

On Wednesday when I reveled in Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, and Epcot (yes, please ask BFF just how a "vacation" should be planned out to the minute), a record temperature was set - 96 degrees, "felt like" 104 - I relished every sweating moment of it. Weather was beautiful all week.

And THEN I came home. When our plane landed, it was 50 in Minneapolis. I almost died right there. And THEN it SNOWED.

And here's my point: My slumlord of a landlord/management company has put off getting us a new heater since May. Therefore, as the company is trying to install a new heater after the first snow of the year... I must say, not thrilled about my apartment being as cold as it is outside.

F this. Anyone know Minnesota rent withholding law?