Thursday, February 28, 2008

Ridiculous online quizzes

Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSM)

Genghis Khunt

We almost called you Brutus the Uterus and attached this picture:

But we figured you wouldn't understand, and rightly so. We don't understand either. So you are Genghis Khunt: master of man, bringer of pain--riding your way to conquest after conquest.

Your sexual avarice is legendary. You've already had an unusually high amount of experience, and, still you look for more. You intimidate many. You make no apologies.

Personality-wise, you're carefree and relatively easy-going. You don't plan things out ahead of time; you tend to live in the moment. Of course, this can cause some damage when the moment happens to include a screaming orgasm with his younger brother. Hence the 'brutal' tag we've given you.

But you know what, take five seconds to lock the doors, and you'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with a little sex, or a whole lot.

Your exact female opposite:

The Sonnet

The Sonnet

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer

Always avoid: The Slow Dancer (DGLD)

Consider: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Playboy (RGSM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test
So this is interesting. Quite the fun test.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Frustration Destination and a sad day on TMZ.com

Welp. Another day, another dollar... but ten times worse this week.

THANK GOD for MLK Day. A wonderful holiday, agreed - however I desperately needed the day off work (sidenote: not only is it the government and education system that has a holiday this day, but also non-profits!) before I had a meltdown and took someone's life or severely mutilated myself. (another sidenote: clearly, homicide and suicide are serious issues in today's society. however, this is not a joke, I was at my cusp of crazy.)

So back to work, and today was the first day within my wonderful organization that I have felt completely disposable. Backtrack: a crazy volunteer said this exact phrase to me last week: "And fuck you for not having the materials I needed!" When I spoke with my manager and director regarding this, the response went something like this...

Me: I'm not sure what to do, this is a pretty big account that I think I'm going to lose because this volunteer is crazy.
Manager: We will figure it out. It will definitely hurt you, but that's not something you need to deal with.
Director: Well, you really just need to suck up to her and make sure she still contributes. Granted, she was out of line in saying that, but we can't lose those dollars.

I was floored. In what realm of reality is it okay for a VOLUNTEER to get away with saying that to someone, then for my management team to basically say that it is okay for her to say this because we see money over the sanity of staff?

Maybe I'm crazy. But now I'm just sad. I guess I got into the "real world" post-college and expected a little bit of professionalism and concern for employees. And alas, I have been employed there for nearly 8 months and today was the first time I felt replaceable.
However, the real news today is the tragic death of Hollywood Hottie Heath Ledger. Extremely sad, and the hype around his death is even sadder. The sensationalism of it is just ridiculous - I mean come on! He has a little daughter, his family doesn't need to be hearing the rumors that he showed up in Mary-Kate Olson's apartment, or that Lohan is "distraught". The American public does not need to know this shit either - let's just let his family and loved ones grieve, then TMZ.com can fill us in on the ridiculous details later.

Secrest OUT,
Paula

Monday, January 14, 2008

Another day, another dollar

Seems like this might be a monthly thing. I can dig it. Currently: Sitting at the Champlin library, having an "open house" for my volunteers, hoping and praying somebody shows up because I'm getting lonely and still have another hour and a half here. Also, hoping Hammer can bail me out of a dead battery when I get back to the office because the White Stallion wouldn't turn her engine when I was trying to leave for this meeting.
In my head: Tag Team, back ag
ain check it top wreck it now let's begin, come on party people let me hear some noise, DC's in the house jump jump and rejoice.
Unfortunate when a really bad hip-hop song gets stuck.

On my mind: World Series of Pop Culture 3. A co-worker, my fabulous hetero-lifemate, and I have been seriously considering auditioning. With my unbeatable knowledge of lyrics, Mel "full of nuggets of wisdom surrounding movies and TV" co-worker on all things quoteable, and Cass "In a committed relationship with her pillow" hetero-lifemate on absolute cavern of useless knowledge of Hollywood and US Weekly, this trio could be unstoppable!

However, no good plan goes without far too much consideration on my end. What if, perchance, I were the weakest link? WHAT IF I got out in the first round? WHAT IF I SUCKED??
I simply could not face my teammates and have thusly decided to drop out of considering thinking about applying for the World Series of Pop Culture.

However, that won't stop me from filling out the 2007 application (2008 has not yet arrived, in stores soon!) Read on:

THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE 2007 CONTESTANT APPLICATION

NAME: Paula Rubinowitz
AGE: 23
BIRTHDATE: 5/14/fuckitty4
COLLEGE ATTENDED/ING: University of Hard Knocksville
COLLEGE MAJOR: Recreational Leisure
MARITAL STATUS: am I on a dating game show? NO- then you don't need to know how single and lonely I am.
OCCUPATION: bitch for The non-profit Man
DESCRIBE YOUR JOB – I sing karaoke at the Vegas Lounge

DESCRIBE HOW YOU KNOW EACH OF YOUR TEAMMATES AND HOW THE THREE OF YOU DECIDED TO FORM A TEAM FOR THIS COMPETITION. I work with one, I live with another, I tolerate both. We decided to form a team based on our soul purpose in life being to memorize useless trivia and spew it forth, smashing the hopes and dreams of all those hopefuls who dare go up against us.

WHAT ARE 3 REASONS YOUR TEAM WANTS TO (OR SHOULD BE) A PART OF THIS COMPETITION?
1. Two of my teammates have never met and I feel would likely have a cat fight on stage.
2. Our 3-woman show "Abortion!" just isn't panning out as we had hoped.
3. All 3 of us are in default on college loans. We can have them deferred if we're on the show.


YOUR TEAM DYNAMIC? Yes, we are very dynamic.

YOUR OCCUPATION OR HOBBIES? Mostly working on my hobbies.

WHAT POP CULTURE ICON(S) DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST? The entire cast of Jem, but not Jerrica. Stuck-up bitch.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST TV MEMORY FROM CHILDHOOD? Not having cable until the early 90's and finding my parents porn when I was trying to watch a Rainbow Brite tape.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE MONEY IF YOU WON THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE? Buy a frizillion shoes and make 1 payment on my college loan.

WHERE DOES THE MONEY RANK IN THE REASONS FOR ENTERING THIS COMPETITION? Number 2, right behind pride.

HOW WOULD YOUR TEAMMATES BEST DESCRIBE YOU? Busty and bitchy

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE EACH OF THEM? One is pretty busty, both are kind of bitchy.

WHAT IS ONE FLAW YOUR TEAM HAS; SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU NERVOUS IF YOUR TEAM WERE TO QUALIFY FOR THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE? Our strong suit has nothing to do with the Disney Channel.

WHAT TOPIC / CATEGORY WOULD SHOCK YOU IF YOU MISSED QUESTIONS? (ie; 80s MOVIES? RAP LYRICS?) EXPLAIN WHY. I would be shocked if I missed a question on comic books, because I would be shocked that I made it that far in the competition for the "far reaching" categories.


ARE YOU AVAILABLE WEDNESDAY MARCH 21- SUNDAY MARCH 25, 2007 TO BE FLOWN TO NYC FOR THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE TOURNAMENT? Sadly, I just checked my calendar and I ha(d)ve a meeting.

Good thing I have all these answers prepared for the 2008 application.