WHAT A TIME! 7th annual St. Paul St. Patty's Day Pub Crawl commenced. Mind you, I haven't even been of legal age to drink for 7 years, but this was indeed my 3rd year on the crawl. And - big news - the first year I've actually stayed out until bar close.
The point here, friends, is that the pub crawl starts at 11 am. 14 hours later, I got home.
Friends and I woke up early on Sunday - starving. Jimmy John's did not open until 11, but you better believe they had an online order waiting for them, circa 10:15 am. I almost hugged the poor high school senior when he delivered it to me. My BFF was very excited that she could finally prove that someone else lived in the house, not just her and her Turkey Tom, no tomatoes but with cucumbers.
However, pre-Jimmy John's - the WIBFF (Wisconsin Best Friend Forever) started talking about her boyfriend throwing up the night before. Yes, I was hungover, but this definitely didn't bother me. Even when she talked about how he threw up on her. However - then she mentioned brushing her teeth, and I immediately gagged. Just the thought of shoving something down my throat seriously made my mouth all hot and wet (and not in the good way, but in the I'm going to throw up and if you're in my way I won't hesitate to throw up on you way) and I had to rush to the bathroom to get it all out.
This would be the first time I've puked from drinking in 2009. Brava. This would be the 3rd time I've puked from drinking in my life. However, I puke swallowing pills and thinking about brushing my teeth, or even just thinking about puking or thinking about brushing my teeth. Just writing this is making me gag a little.
Maybe I need to see a therapist.
Plus the big stupid fundraiser this past week is done, and now I can move on with my life... until I have to continue it this week at HCMC.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Just keep swimming...
Or running, or staying awake and not falling asleep at your desk because you've worked 3 - 16 hour days in a row and are so distracted by work that you fall asleep thinking about it, dream about it, wake up thinking about it, and think about it in the shower to the point of being so distracted you wash your hair twice because you can't remember if you already washed it.
I've decided to take control. I'm going to get back into reading trashy romance novels before bed so that, at the very least, my dreams can still be my own. And Lucky Stetson, the Texan who will be visiting my dreams after I'm done with the next book.
So far its working really well. My blood pressure is down, I don't want to kill my boss, I don't care that my cubicle is outrageously messy, and I am not grinding my teeth in my sleep.
Let's hope it keeps up through the busy summer of work.
I've decided to take control. I'm going to get back into reading trashy romance novels before bed so that, at the very least, my dreams can still be my own. And Lucky Stetson, the Texan who will be visiting my dreams after I'm done with the next book.
So far its working really well. My blood pressure is down, I don't want to kill my boss, I don't care that my cubicle is outrageously messy, and I am not grinding my teeth in my sleep.
Let's hope it keeps up through the busy summer of work.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Big 10 in 09.
I really need to commit more to this stuff. Here's everything that has happened with me over the past year:
1. Have been working at a Lutheran church for about a year and 3 months. I'm Catholic. My mom thinks this is funny, but also I think she's a little sad about it.
2. Still single.
3. Went to a plastic surgeon to have a consultation done for a breast reduction. Insurance has denied the claim. Awesome, I'll continue with the back problems and see how they feel about it then.
4. Hammer broke up with HJ. Hammer and I had a big blow out fight in September because I was paranoid that he was trying to sleep with BFF. Turns out I was right. Tried to keep being friends - haven't talked to him in a month. Bummer.
5. BFF turned 25. Yikes. I'm next.
6. Have officially worked for The Non-Profit Man (TNPM) for over 2 years - but also found out I am a job grade lower than all my coworkers, even though I have the highest income portfolio. Awesome.
7. My big sister got engaged! Yay!!! She asked me to be the maid of honor!
8. Successfully finished a fiscal year with the TNPM and only missed my financial goal by $7K. Less than 4% away - not too shabby!
9. Had a volleyball team with my co-workers and friends. Found out I am no good at volleyball.
10. Bought a new car! Well, new to me. No rust, very exciting.
That's about it.
1. Have been working at a Lutheran church for about a year and 3 months. I'm Catholic. My mom thinks this is funny, but also I think she's a little sad about it.
2. Still single.
3. Went to a plastic surgeon to have a consultation done for a breast reduction. Insurance has denied the claim. Awesome, I'll continue with the back problems and see how they feel about it then.
4. Hammer broke up with HJ. Hammer and I had a big blow out fight in September because I was paranoid that he was trying to sleep with BFF. Turns out I was right. Tried to keep being friends - haven't talked to him in a month. Bummer.
5. BFF turned 25. Yikes. I'm next.
6. Have officially worked for The Non-Profit Man (TNPM) for over 2 years - but also found out I am a job grade lower than all my coworkers, even though I have the highest income portfolio. Awesome.
7. My big sister got engaged! Yay!!! She asked me to be the maid of honor!
8. Successfully finished a fiscal year with the TNPM and only missed my financial goal by $7K. Less than 4% away - not too shabby!
9. Had a volleyball team with my co-workers and friends. Found out I am no good at volleyball.
10. Bought a new car! Well, new to me. No rust, very exciting.
That's about it.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Ridiculous online quizzes
Genghis KhuntRandom Brutal Sex Master (RBSM) We almost called you Brutus the Uterus and attached this picture:  But we figured you wouldn't understand, and rightly so. We don't understand either. So you are Genghis Khunt: master of man, bringer of pain--riding your way to conquest after conquest. Your sexual avarice is legendary. You've already had an unusually high amount of experience, and, still you look for more. You intimidate many. You make no apologies. Personality-wise, you're carefree and relatively easy-going. You don't plan things out ahead of time; you tend to live in the moment. Of course, this can cause some damage when the moment happens to include a screaming orgasm with his younger brother. Hence the 'brutal' tag we've given you. But you know what, take five seconds to lock the doors, and you'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with a little sex, or a whole lot. Your exact female opposite: The Sonnet  Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer Always avoid: The Slow Dancer (DGLD) Consider: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Playboy (RGSM) |
| Link: The Online Dating Persona Test |
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Frustration Destination and a sad day on TMZ.com
Welp. Another day, another dollar... but ten times worse this week.
THANK GOD for MLK Day. A wonderful holiday, agreed - however I desperately needed the day off work (sidenote: not only is it the government and education system that has a holiday this day, but also non-profits!) before I had a meltdown and took someone's life or severely mutilated myself. (another sidenote: clearly, homicide and suicide are serious issues in today's society. however, this is not a joke, I was at my cusp of crazy.)
So back to work, and today was the first day within my wonderful organization that I have felt completely disposable. Backtrack: a crazy volunteer said this exact phrase to me last week: "And fuck you for not having the materials I needed!" When I spoke with my manager and director regarding this, the response went something like this...
Me: I'm not sure what to do, this is a pretty big account that I think I'm going to lose because this volunteer is crazy.
Manager: We will figure it out. It will definitely hurt you, but that's not something you need to deal with.
Director: Well, you really just need to suck up to her and make sure she still contributes. Granted, she was out of line in saying that, but we can't lose those dollars.
I was floored. In what realm of reality is it okay for a VOLUNTEER to get away with saying that to someone, then for my management team to basically say that it is okay for her to say this because we see money over the sanity of staff?
Maybe I'm crazy. But now I'm just sad. I guess I got into the "real world" post-college and expected a little bit of professionalism and concern for employees. And alas, I have been employed there for nearly 8 months and today was the first time I felt replaceable.
However, the real news today is the tragic death of Hollywood Hottie Heath Ledger. Extremely sad, and the hype around his death is even sadder. The sensationalism of it is just ridiculous - I mean come on! He has a little daughter, his family doesn't need to be hearing the rumors that he showed up in Mary-Kate Olson's apartment, or that Lohan is "distraught". The American public does not need to know this shit either - let's just let his family and loved ones grieve, then TMZ.com can fill us in on the ridiculous details later.
Secrest OUT,
Paula
THANK GOD for MLK Day. A wonderful holiday, agreed - however I desperately needed the day off work (sidenote: not only is it the government and education system that has a holiday this day, but also non-profits!) before I had a meltdown and took someone's life or severely mutilated myself. (another sidenote: clearly, homicide and suicide are serious issues in today's society. however, this is not a joke, I was at my cusp of crazy.)
So back to work, and today was the first day within my wonderful organization that I have felt completely disposable. Backtrack: a crazy volunteer said this exact phrase to me last week: "And fuck you for not having the materials I needed!" When I spoke with my manager and director regarding this, the response went something like this...
Me: I'm not sure what to do, this is a pretty big account that I think I'm going to lose because this volunteer is crazy.
Manager: We will figure it out. It will definitely hurt you, but that's not something you need to deal with.
Director: Well, you really just need to suck up to her and make sure she still contributes. Granted, she was out of line in saying that, but we can't lose those dollars.
I was floored. In what realm of reality is it okay for a VOLUNTEER to get away with saying that to someone, then for my management team to basically say that it is okay for her to say this because we see money over the sanity of staff?
Maybe I'm crazy. But now I'm just sad. I guess I got into the "real world" post-college and expected a little bit of professionalism and concern for employees. And alas, I have been employed there for nearly 8 months and today was the first time I felt replaceable.
However, the real news today is the tragic death of Hollywood Hottie Heath Ledger. Extremely sad, and the hype around his death is even sadder. The sensationalism of it is just ridiculous - I mean come on! He has a little daughter, his family doesn't need to be hearing the rumors that he showed up in Mary-Kate Olson's apartment, or that Lohan is "distraught". The American public does not need to know this shit either - let's just let his family and loved ones grieve, then TMZ.com can fill us in on the ridiculous details later.
Secrest OUT,
Paula
Monday, January 14, 2008
Another day, another dollar
Seems like this might be a monthly thing. I can dig it. Currently: Sitting at the Champlin library, having an "open house" for my volunteers, hoping and praying somebody shows up because I'm getting lonely and still have another hour and a half here. Also, hoping Hammer can bail me out of a dead battery when I get back to the office because the White Stallion wouldn't turn her engine when I was trying to leave for this meeting.
In my head: Tag Team, back again check it top wreck it now let's begin, come on party people let me hear some noise, DC's in the house jump jump and rejoice.
Unfortunate when a really bad hip-hop song gets stuck.
On my mind: World Series of Pop Culture 3. A co-worker, my fabulous hetero-lifemate, and I have been seriously considering auditioning. With my unbeatable knowledge of lyrics, Mel "full of nuggets of wisdom surrounding movies and TV" co-worker on all things quoteable, and Cass "In a committed relationship with her pillow" hetero-lifemate on absolute cavern of useless knowledge of Hollywood and US Weekly, this trio could be unstoppable!
However, no good plan goes without far too much consideration on my end. What if, perchance, I were the weakest link? WHAT IF I got out in the first round? WHAT IF I SUCKED??
I simply could not face my teammates and have thusly decided to drop out of considering thinking about applying for the World Series of Pop Culture.
However, that won't stop me from filling out the 2007 application (2008 has not yet arrived, in stores soon!) Read on:
NAME: Paula Rubinowitz
AGE: 23
BIRTHDATE: 5/14/fuckitty4
COLLEGE ATTENDED/ING: University of Hard Knocksville
COLLEGE MAJOR: Recreational Leisure
MARITAL STATUS: am I on a dating game show? NO- then you don't need to know how single and lonely I am.
OCCUPATION: bitch for The non-profit Man
DESCRIBE YOUR JOB – I sing karaoke at the Vegas Lounge
DESCRIBE HOW YOU KNOW EACH OF YOUR TEAMMATES AND HOW THE THREE OF YOU DECIDED TO FORM A TEAM FOR THIS COMPETITION. I work with one, I live with another, I tolerate both. We decided to form a team based on our soul purpose in life being to memorize useless trivia and spew it forth, smashing the hopes and dreams of all those hopefuls who dare go up against us.
WHAT ARE 3 REASONS YOUR TEAM WANTS TO (OR SHOULD BE) A PART OF THIS COMPETITION?
1. Two of my teammates have never met and I feel would likely have a cat fight on stage.
2. Our 3-woman show "Abortion!" just isn't panning out as we had hoped.
3. All 3 of us are in default on college loans. We can have them deferred if we're on the show.
YOUR TEAM DYNAMIC? Yes, we are very dynamic.
YOUR OCCUPATION OR HOBBIES? Mostly working on my hobbies.
WHAT POP CULTURE ICON(S) DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST? The entire cast of Jem, but not Jerrica. Stuck-up bitch.
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST TV MEMORY FROM CHILDHOOD? Not having cable until the early 90's and finding my parents porn when I was trying to watch a Rainbow Brite tape.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE MONEY IF YOU WON THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE? Buy a frizillion shoes and make 1 payment on my college loan.
WHERE DOES THE MONEY RANK IN THE REASONS FOR ENTERING THIS COMPETITION? Number 2, right behind pride.
HOW WOULD YOUR TEAMMATES BEST DESCRIBE YOU? Busty and bitchy
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE EACH OF THEM? One is pretty busty, both are kind of bitchy.
WHAT IS ONE FLAW YOUR TEAM HAS; SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU NERVOUS IF YOUR TEAM WERE TO QUALIFY FOR THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE? Our strong suit has nothing to do with the Disney Channel.
WHAT TOPIC / CATEGORY WOULD SHOCK YOU IF YOU MISSED QUESTIONS? (ie; 80s MOVIES? RAP LYRICS?) EXPLAIN WHY. I would be shocked if I missed a question on comic books, because I would be shocked that I made it that far in the competition for the "far reaching" categories.
ARE YOU AVAILABLE WEDNESDAY MARCH 21- SUNDAY MARCH 25, 2007 TO BE FLOWN TO NYC FOR THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE TOURNAMENT? Sadly, I just checked my calendar and I ha(d)ve a meeting.
Good thing I have all these answers prepared for the 2008 application.
In my head: Tag Team, back again check it top wreck it now let's begin, come on party people let me hear some noise, DC's in the house jump jump and rejoice.
Unfortunate when a really bad hip-hop song gets stuck.
On my mind: World Series of Pop Culture 3. A co-worker, my fabulous hetero-lifemate, and I have been seriously considering auditioning. With my unbeatable knowledge of lyrics, Mel "full of nuggets of wisdom surrounding movies and TV" co-worker on all things quoteable, and Cass "In a committed relationship with her pillow" hetero-lifemate on absolute cavern of useless knowledge of Hollywood and US Weekly, this trio could be unstoppable!
However, no good plan goes without far too much consideration on my end. What if, perchance, I were the weakest link? WHAT IF I got out in the first round? WHAT IF I SUCKED??
I simply could not face my teammates and have thusly decided to drop out of considering thinking about applying for the World Series of Pop Culture.
However, that won't stop me from filling out the 2007 application (2008 has not yet arrived, in stores soon!) Read on:
THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE 2007 CONTESTANT APPLICATION
NAME: Paula Rubinowitz
AGE: 23
BIRTHDATE: 5/14/fuckitty4
COLLEGE ATTENDED/ING: University of Hard Knocksville
COLLEGE MAJOR: Recreational Leisure
MARITAL STATUS: am I on a dating game show? NO- then you don't need to know how single and lonely I am.
OCCUPATION: bitch for The non-profit Man
DESCRIBE YOUR JOB – I sing karaoke at the Vegas Lounge
DESCRIBE HOW YOU KNOW EACH OF YOUR TEAMMATES AND HOW THE THREE OF YOU DECIDED TO FORM A TEAM FOR THIS COMPETITION. I work with one, I live with another, I tolerate both. We decided to form a team based on our soul purpose in life being to memorize useless trivia and spew it forth, smashing the hopes and dreams of all those hopefuls who dare go up against us.
WHAT ARE 3 REASONS YOUR TEAM WANTS TO (OR SHOULD BE) A PART OF THIS COMPETITION?
1. Two of my teammates have never met and I feel would likely have a cat fight on stage.
2. Our 3-woman show "Abortion!" just isn't panning out as we had hoped.
3. All 3 of us are in default on college loans. We can have them deferred if we're on the show.
YOUR TEAM DYNAMIC? Yes, we are very dynamic.
YOUR OCCUPATION OR HOBBIES? Mostly working on my hobbies.
WHAT POP CULTURE ICON(S) DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST? The entire cast of Jem, but not Jerrica. Stuck-up bitch.
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST TV MEMORY FROM CHILDHOOD? Not having cable until the early 90's and finding my parents porn when I was trying to watch a Rainbow Brite tape.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE MONEY IF YOU WON THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE? Buy a frizillion shoes and make 1 payment on my college loan.
WHERE DOES THE MONEY RANK IN THE REASONS FOR ENTERING THIS COMPETITION? Number 2, right behind pride.
HOW WOULD YOUR TEAMMATES BEST DESCRIBE YOU? Busty and bitchy
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE EACH OF THEM? One is pretty busty, both are kind of bitchy.
WHAT IS ONE FLAW YOUR TEAM HAS; SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU NERVOUS IF YOUR TEAM WERE TO QUALIFY FOR THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE? Our strong suit has nothing to do with the Disney Channel.
WHAT TOPIC / CATEGORY WOULD SHOCK YOU IF YOU MISSED QUESTIONS? (ie; 80s MOVIES? RAP LYRICS?) EXPLAIN WHY. I would be shocked if I missed a question on comic books, because I would be shocked that I made it that far in the competition for the "far reaching" categories.
ARE YOU AVAILABLE WEDNESDAY MARCH 21- SUNDAY MARCH 25, 2007 TO BE FLOWN TO NYC FOR THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE TOURNAMENT? Sadly, I just checked my calendar and I ha(d)ve a meeting.
Good thing I have all these answers prepared for the 2008 application.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Bitter with Baggage Seeks Same
Well long time no talk. I've missed you. Perhaps this will turn out to be much like my other "hobbies" - a dead end.
Only time will tell.
A few years ago for Christmas, my good friend gave me a fabulous book called "Bitter With Baggage Seeks Same". It is a coffee table picture book- bitter humor for the metropolitan single girl- my kind of dish. I came across this book on my shelf the other day and decided to give it a little page-turn. These hilarious little plastic chickens started to make me sad, and I thought- "Paula*, why so glum? Plastic chickens are too funny to be sad!" Then it occurred to me: my dear, sweet friend knows me so well, that she purchased this book, because I am, in fact, Bitter with Baggage.
Would you like my stats? Put it on a baseball card:
However, its times like these (Holidays, Tuesdays, freezing cold days, pretty much everyday) that I find myself realizing that I am still head-over-heels-hit-me-in-the-head-with-a-hammer-
because-it-feels-so-good-when-you-stop in love with Hammer. Too bad he moved on.
He is dating a cute little mouse of a thing who I really can't find any fault in (bummer) aside from the fact that its not me. However, Hammer feels it appropriate to share all her faults, stupidity, conservatism, and general bland-ness with me. I think this is what drives me into the ground bitterly with heavy baggage: Not only is he not dating me, but he's dating someone he's not really into and is just along for the ride (I chastise HJ's because I haven't done one since the late 90's, yet apparently she considers this a "treat".)
So the moral of this story is: It is Christmas time (or whatever holiday you celebrate or don't celebrate. Whatever, its snowing.) and my family has unfortunately moved on from chastising my sister about getting married to criticizing me. Pretty sure they have fostered rumors of my sexuality- but I digress.
But why should I ruin Christmas for everyone by changing the norm and bringing a boy home? This Christmas, I am giving the gift of selflessness by not changing our family traditions of scathing comments and ruthless jokes about my singledom. I sure hope they appreciate my deep concern for keeping our family traditions alive.
So Merry Christmas! Can I provide any selfless acts for you?
Have a wonderful day and don't crash your shit up in the snow.
Paula
*Paula: This is my introduction to my alter-ego, Paula Rubinowitz. She's a sassy cougar from Staten Island who drinks too much. We all know we can't use real names online!! Enjoy her musings.
**Hammer: His real name shall not be divulged (see above). Think "Why do I keep hitting myself with this hammer?" -because it feels so good when I stop.
Only time will tell.
A few years ago for Christmas, my good friend gave me a fabulous book called "Bitter With Baggage Seeks Same". It is a coffee table picture book- bitter humor for the metropolitan single girl- my kind of dish. I came across this book on my shelf the other day and decided to give it a little page-turn. These hilarious little plastic chickens started to make me sad, and I thought- "Paula*, why so glum? Plastic chickens are too funny to be sad!" Then it occurred to me: my dear, sweet friend knows me so well, that she purchased this book, because I am, in fact, Bitter with Baggage.
Would you like my stats? Put it on a baseball card:
- 23 years of age
- single straight white female
- numerous boyfriends/one night stands of which 3/4ths ending with said boy dating/falling for close friend or BFF and thusly .750 batting average for getting my heart broken
- Glamorous non-profit job that leaves little to no time for a personal life
- Size 36F rack. I'm an effing catch.
However, its times like these (Holidays, Tuesdays, freezing cold days, pretty much everyday) that I find myself realizing that I am still head-over-heels-hit-me-in-the-head-with-a-hammer-
because-it-feels-so-good-when-you-stop in love with Hammer. Too bad he moved on.
He is dating a cute little mouse of a thing who I really can't find any fault in (bummer) aside from the fact that its not me. However, Hammer feels it appropriate to share all her faults, stupidity, conservatism, and general bland-ness with me. I think this is what drives me into the ground bitterly with heavy baggage: Not only is he not dating me, but he's dating someone he's not really into and is just along for the ride (I chastise HJ's because I haven't done one since the late 90's, yet apparently she considers this a "treat".)
So the moral of this story is: It is Christmas time (or whatever holiday you celebrate or don't celebrate. Whatever, its snowing.) and my family has unfortunately moved on from chastising my sister about getting married to criticizing me. Pretty sure they have fostered rumors of my sexuality- but I digress.
But why should I ruin Christmas for everyone by changing the norm and bringing a boy home? This Christmas, I am giving the gift of selflessness by not changing our family traditions of scathing comments and ruthless jokes about my singledom. I sure hope they appreciate my deep concern for keeping our family traditions alive.
So Merry Christmas! Can I provide any selfless acts for you?
Have a wonderful day and don't crash your shit up in the snow.
Paula
*Paula: This is my introduction to my alter-ego, Paula Rubinowitz. She's a sassy cougar from Staten Island who drinks too much. We all know we can't use real names online!! Enjoy her musings.
**Hammer: His real name shall not be divulged (see above). Think "Why do I keep hitting myself with this hammer?" -because it feels so good when I stop.
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