Cyberstalking 102: When you just gotta know, ya know?

"When I meet a new person, I’m terrified of mentioning something he or she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking."

Following up my last post, I realized the need for very clear directions on how to stalk a facebook stranger. This is very important when you've only just met someone and aren't ready to actually ask them to be your facebook friend. Especially crucial when you've slept with someone and need to know if they are actually married, although you might not know their last name.

How to cyber stalk a non-facebook friend:

1. Simply search their full name in the search field. If you don't know their full name, don't worry. Start with what you do know. For example, if his name is JR, Search JR, J R, and J.R.

2. Scroll through every single of the 500+ possibilities until your finger gets tired of clicking next. At this point, narrow the search to a certain network, college, or city. For example, search every JR in Minneapolis/St. Paul.

• Too few results? Check out local colleges (bonus if you already know where he went to school, or can at least remember he really hated Gustavus).
• Too many results? Try multiple networks or more specific college info i.e. grad year. If you're really serious, search by High School, especially if you knew where he grew up and can narrow down his pre-college school.
• Helpful hint: Open another tab or window on your browser to begin to google any results you find that might bring you closer to the results.
  

3. Continue to search and click on every profile. Here's when you should be praying for Open Profiles so you can click through every single picture of a total stranger in order to determine if he might be the guy from the bar.

4. Have you found him yet? Not quite satistfied with the results? Think really hard to try to remember his friends names. Or his last name, or even a nickname. Grasp at straws of any recollection you can have about your time together. Because finding him is fate, and more so, serendipity. He wants you to find him.

5. Hooray! You remembered what high school he went to AND one of his friends first names!!! You recall that he was a year younger than you, so you search for the friend. Congrats - FOUND! Now, search through all his friends to find more friends from the night before, and hopefully your man you've searched high and low for. If not, never fear! Search through the friends of all the friends of the friend from the bar last night. All private profiles and no pictures? Don't worry, they have friends with open profiles. Click "View All" on the friends tab and check out all their friends, systematically check for photos of your mystery man from the night before.

• Remember that open tab you have for googling? Don't forget to google the friends' phone number you got last night in case they got lost on the way to the after bar. Silly you, I can't believe you haven't done that yet! Also key: there is a facebook search option for phone numbers.
  

6. The final step: DO NOT add them as facebook friends. Chances are, he's looking for you too! It's so important to remain mysterious, you don't want to come on too strong. Continue to check his profile (if you were lucky enough to find it) and his friends each day - if they are lucky enough to be public. If they're private, still check each day. They may some day lighten up their privacy settings. Also key: make sure your profile is semi-private. Don't want to give away too much when he finds YOU on facebook!