You are smack dab in the middle of my shame spiral, as outlined by Allie, the most hilarious blogger of all time.
Read her hilarity here.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
Story of my life. Now that the BFF has left the country (for all intents and purposes) for the next 5 months, maybe I will be able to hop back on the blogosphere bandwagon and continue to regale all 2 readers (you know who you are) with tales of woe.
Showing posts with label me me ME. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me me ME. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Pathetic excuse for a date
I admit, every once and awhile...
i.e. when my friends are gushing about their fantastic love lives, getting engaged, getting married, making little alien babies, and having more one night stands than Ashley furniture....
every once and awhile, I feel a little lonely.
Sometimes when this incredible bout of depression hits, I feel desperate. Enter: online dating. Best of all, I refuse to pay for this version of personal therapy, so I'm on a free site. Let's just say I will not commit to paying to go on a date because this way, I have better stories. Right? Right.
So recently, one of these little bouts of depression hit. Probably after being slighted numerous times when meeting groups of guys at the bar who would rather try to hook up with my obviously taken friends than the slutty, drunk version of me.
Anyhow, I agreed to meet this guy for happy hour in a public location so I would be heard if I screamed bloody murder. 7:30 happy hour???? Whatever, this guy doesn't have a clue about day drinking. So I agree for a Thursday night adventure. We agreed to this about a week and a half before the actual date. Then, out of nowhere he "deleted" his profile from the website - which meant I couldn't contact him to tell him it creeped me the fuck out or that I had other plans. Of course, I didn't have other plans, and my friends convinced me I should go because "what if he's the man of your dreams" or some other bullshit.
So I went, not remembering what he looked like (and not being able to do research since he deleted his profile), not having his phone number (because I have a strict "nobody gets in my phone before they get in my pants" rule), and pretty much a shitty attitude about the whole thing.
Showed up promptly at 7:20. Sat near the door until 7:30. Moved to the bar at 7:30, ordered a beer, and looked around, trying to see if there was a glimmer of recognition with any of the guys around. None. Paid for my tab at 7:40, left the bar at 7:45. I WAIT FOR NO ONE.
So yes, there you have it. I got fucking stood up by a guy whose name was "singing nerd", chose fucking Creed as his ultimate karaoke song, and was in a band that played at the Renaissance Festival. Never have I ever had such low self esteem.
And there you have it. Bitter with baggage seeks same.
i.e. when my friends are gushing about their fantastic love lives, getting engaged, getting married, making little alien babies, and having more one night stands than Ashley furniture....
every once and awhile, I feel a little lonely.
Sometimes when this incredible bout of depression hits, I feel desperate. Enter: online dating. Best of all, I refuse to pay for this version of personal therapy, so I'm on a free site. Let's just say I will not commit to paying to go on a date because this way, I have better stories. Right? Right.
So recently, one of these little bouts of depression hit. Probably after being slighted numerous times when meeting groups of guys at the bar who would rather try to hook up with my obviously taken friends than the slutty, drunk version of me.
Anyhow, I agreed to meet this guy for happy hour in a public location so I would be heard if I screamed bloody murder. 7:30 happy hour???? Whatever, this guy doesn't have a clue about day drinking. So I agree for a Thursday night adventure. We agreed to this about a week and a half before the actual date. Then, out of nowhere he "deleted" his profile from the website - which meant I couldn't contact him to tell him it creeped me the fuck out or that I had other plans. Of course, I didn't have other plans, and my friends convinced me I should go because "what if he's the man of your dreams" or some other bullshit.
So I went, not remembering what he looked like (and not being able to do research since he deleted his profile), not having his phone number (because I have a strict "nobody gets in my phone before they get in my pants" rule), and pretty much a shitty attitude about the whole thing.
Showed up promptly at 7:20. Sat near the door until 7:30. Moved to the bar at 7:30, ordered a beer, and looked around, trying to see if there was a glimmer of recognition with any of the guys around. None. Paid for my tab at 7:40, left the bar at 7:45. I WAIT FOR NO ONE.
So yes, there you have it. I got fucking stood up by a guy whose name was "singing nerd", chose fucking Creed as his ultimate karaoke song, and was in a band that played at the Renaissance Festival. Never have I ever had such low self esteem.
And there you have it. Bitter with baggage seeks same.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
slumlord millionaire
Wow, guess it takes some time away to realize how much you really needed a vacation! I spent 4 days on the beach in Florida, then 3 days at Disneyworld. Totally amazing.
On Wednesday when I reveled in Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, and Epcot (yes, please ask BFF just how a "vacation" should be planned out to the minute), a record temperature was set - 96 degrees, "felt like" 104 - I relished every sweating moment of it. Weather was beautiful all week.
And THEN I came home. When our plane landed, it was 50 in Minneapolis. I almost died right there. And THEN it SNOWED.
And here's my point: My slumlord of a landlord/management company has put off getting us a new heater since May. Therefore, as the company is trying to install a new heater after the first snow of the year... I must say, not thrilled about my apartment being as cold as it is outside.
F this. Anyone know Minnesota rent withholding law?
Monday, June 22, 2009
The "come to Jesus" moment
Just returned from a fabulous week with 400 13-year olds in Michigan. Long story short - one of TNPM (refresher - The Non-Profit Man - in this case, Men) that I work for is a church. I took 6 kids from my youth group on a mission trip to repair houses. It was fabulous for the following reasons:
1. I got to take a week and a half off work from the other NPM!
2. I had my first 15 passenger van driving experience. Let's just say we all survived.
3. I really love doing things like fixing houses. Who knew I could be such a savant with a skillsaw and a chalkline?
It was mediocre for the following reasons:
1. I got stressed out about not being at the other NPM.
2. The other adult chaperones and youth leaders on the trip thought I was in high school for most of it and I even got yelled at a few times for driving the van. Because they thought I was a kid. (trust me, this does not make sense, I look 30 at 25.)
3. I had a "come to Jesus" moment. This is not really a religious thing - more of a "make it or break it", "fight or flight", "shit or get off the pot" kind of thing. It wasn't a specific moment, so much as today I looked back on the week and that I have to go back to real work tomorrow and I cried because I can't handle another 70 hour work week.
Basically, I've started to resent the full time NPM gig. I truly love the org I work for, but I am really dreading the rest of this summer.
I only do the church NPM work about 10 hours per week. I'm really not sure if I'm ready to leave the full time stuff, but I feel as though my ulcers and migraines are begging me to make a change. I really like what I do at the church, but not sure if I could do it full time.
So here I am in my "come to Jesus" moment. Time for some decision making. Can someone please be in charge of my life decisions for a bit? A "life leash" if you will?
1. I got to take a week and a half off work from the other NPM!
2. I had my first 15 passenger van driving experience. Let's just say we all survived.
3. I really love doing things like fixing houses. Who knew I could be such a savant with a skillsaw and a chalkline?
It was mediocre for the following reasons:
1. I got stressed out about not being at the other NPM.
2. The other adult chaperones and youth leaders on the trip thought I was in high school for most of it and I even got yelled at a few times for driving the van. Because they thought I was a kid. (trust me, this does not make sense, I look 30 at 25.)
3. I had a "come to Jesus" moment. This is not really a religious thing - more of a "make it or break it", "fight or flight", "shit or get off the pot" kind of thing. It wasn't a specific moment, so much as today I looked back on the week and that I have to go back to real work tomorrow and I cried because I can't handle another 70 hour work week.
Basically, I've started to resent the full time NPM gig. I truly love the org I work for, but I am really dreading the rest of this summer.
I only do the church NPM work about 10 hours per week. I'm really not sure if I'm ready to leave the full time stuff, but I feel as though my ulcers and migraines are begging me to make a change. I really like what I do at the church, but not sure if I could do it full time.
So here I am in my "come to Jesus" moment. Time for some decision making. Can someone please be in charge of my life decisions for a bit? A "life leash" if you will?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Clarification from the Hot 100
I have decided I should probably clarify why I want to do some of the things I want to do... so here's a glimpse into my crazy head:
1. Sneak into a "double feature" movie - and only pay for one!
I really want to do this simply because I love movies. I love crappy movies, sad movies, chick flicks, monster flicks, and porn. If I can get 2 for the price of 1 - my question is, why haven't I yet?
2. Have sex in a church. I grew up Catholic and I think I had my first kiss in a confessional. Not with a Priest, but with some boy from my grade school. I'm not atheist, but I might be a bit of an exhibitionist. If the church has a balcony, even better.
3. Stand up in a wedding. I need to be able to say I've done this once in my life. And I get to next summer, provided I don't kill my sister's fiance first.
4. Win an eating contest. I'm a big girl, and this would just be the ultimate showdown of my life. I am confident I can do an eating contest - but win? Yikes, that's intense. Maybe I should change it to "enter an eating contest", but technically I was in an eating contest 6 years ago. And I almost puked up Totino's Pizza Rolls, but so worth it.
5. Visit Ireland. I'm 50% Irish and there is a mountain apparently named after my family in some town with the Horkans.
6. Swim with sharks in South Africa. For those of you that don't know me, I am totally, weirdly obsessed with Shark Week. If I could call in sick for the entirety of the week (although all the shows are at night), I would in a heartbeat. And we all know why people watch shark shows. I want to see blood and guts, and preferably a human be eaten alive. As swimming with Great Whites is a dream of mine, and shark cages really don't do anything - Mindy, you're right, I should probably put this last on my list. Why South Africa? Ever heard of AIR JAWS???? You can borrow my VHS. Then you can come over for my "blood red" velvet cake during my Shark Week Party. There are also pigs in a blanket.
7. Tour the pyramids. Also, very strange obsession with Egypt/mummies/Middle Eastern religion. Nothing like sharks, but anytime I can catch a documentary on King Tut, I'm all ears.
8. Skydive. This would easily be one of my biggest fears of all time (terrified of heights). If I can put that fear aside for just a few seconds, I imagine it would be quite a thrill.
9. Bungee jump. Similar thought process.
10. Own a house. Nothing says "I'm a big bad grown up" like a mortgage!
11. Do stand-up comedy. I think I'm hilarious, so other people probably will, right?
12. Be on a radio or TV show about something other than work. Preferably Conan, SNL, or Orpah rather than Maury.
13. Go to Rome/the Vatican. And sneak into the Vatican Archives and not get killed (nerd alert!) Read Angels and Demons. And be Catholic. You'll get it.
14. Write a children's book. I had to write one in 8th grade and it was tons of fun. I really think I miss being a kid.
15. See an SNL taping. One of the best show on earth, as long as you haven't seen it after 2001 or before the Andy Samberg era.
16. Get certified in ASL translation. Took classes for 3 years, LOVED IT. Too bad I'm such a talker, and the Deaf professors always kicked me out. What a great way to enter into a new culture!
17. GET A NEW JOB. I hate my current job. It is a succubus.
18. See the Northern Lights. If I can't go to space (I think the fear of heights might be WAY much for that), why not bring space to me, i.e. solar flares?
19. See Stonehenge. Again, strange obsession with pagan religions... OR ALIENS!
20. Have a non-life-threatening parasite and poop it out. Just to say, "Oh you went to Jenny Craig? Well I have a tapeworm. 45 pounds in 3 weeks!" I would just really like to say that I had a parasite, I feel like it would be a very cool story. Maybe I'll just start telling people I had one. I watch enough Grey's Anatomy to figure it out!
21. Go on an archaeological dig and find something awesome. Nerd alert - love dinosaurs. LOVE them. I am so excited for the new Land of the Lost, I can barely contain myself from watching the trailer over and over again at work. Not to mention that Hulu.com just recently posted all episodes of LotL.
1. Sneak into a "double feature" movie - and only pay for one!
I really want to do this simply because I love movies. I love crappy movies, sad movies, chick flicks, monster flicks, and porn. If I can get 2 for the price of 1 - my question is, why haven't I yet?
2. Have sex in a church. I grew up Catholic and I think I had my first kiss in a confessional. Not with a Priest, but with some boy from my grade school. I'm not atheist, but I might be a bit of an exhibitionist. If the church has a balcony, even better.
3. Stand up in a wedding. I need to be able to say I've done this once in my life. And I get to next summer, provided I don't kill my sister's fiance first.
4. Win an eating contest. I'm a big girl, and this would just be the ultimate showdown of my life. I am confident I can do an eating contest - but win? Yikes, that's intense. Maybe I should change it to "enter an eating contest", but technically I was in an eating contest 6 years ago. And I almost puked up Totino's Pizza Rolls, but so worth it.
5. Visit Ireland. I'm 50% Irish and there is a mountain apparently named after my family in some town with the Horkans.
6. Swim with sharks in South Africa. For those of you that don't know me, I am totally, weirdly obsessed with Shark Week. If I could call in sick for the entirety of the week (although all the shows are at night), I would in a heartbeat. And we all know why people watch shark shows. I want to see blood and guts, and preferably a human be eaten alive. As swimming with Great Whites is a dream of mine, and shark cages really don't do anything - Mindy, you're right, I should probably put this last on my list. Why South Africa? Ever heard of AIR JAWS???? You can borrow my VHS. Then you can come over for my "blood red" velvet cake during my Shark Week Party. There are also pigs in a blanket.
7. Tour the pyramids. Also, very strange obsession with Egypt/mummies/Middle Eastern religion. Nothing like sharks, but anytime I can catch a documentary on King Tut, I'm all ears.
8. Skydive. This would easily be one of my biggest fears of all time (terrified of heights). If I can put that fear aside for just a few seconds, I imagine it would be quite a thrill.
9. Bungee jump. Similar thought process.
10. Own a house. Nothing says "I'm a big bad grown up" like a mortgage!
11. Do stand-up comedy. I think I'm hilarious, so other people probably will, right?
12. Be on a radio or TV show about something other than work. Preferably Conan, SNL, or Orpah rather than Maury.
13. Go to Rome/the Vatican. And sneak into the Vatican Archives and not get killed (nerd alert!) Read Angels and Demons. And be Catholic. You'll get it.
14. Write a children's book. I had to write one in 8th grade and it was tons of fun. I really think I miss being a kid.
15. See an SNL taping. One of the best show on earth, as long as you haven't seen it after 2001 or before the Andy Samberg era.
16. Get certified in ASL translation. Took classes for 3 years, LOVED IT. Too bad I'm such a talker, and the Deaf professors always kicked me out. What a great way to enter into a new culture!
17. GET A NEW JOB. I hate my current job. It is a succubus.
18. See the Northern Lights. If I can't go to space (I think the fear of heights might be WAY much for that), why not bring space to me, i.e. solar flares?
19. See Stonehenge. Again, strange obsession with pagan religions... OR ALIENS!
20. Have a non-life-threatening parasite and poop it out. Just to say, "Oh you went to Jenny Craig? Well I have a tapeworm. 45 pounds in 3 weeks!" I would just really like to say that I had a parasite, I feel like it would be a very cool story. Maybe I'll just start telling people I had one. I watch enough Grey's Anatomy to figure it out!
21. Go on an archaeological dig and find something awesome. Nerd alert - love dinosaurs. LOVE them. I am so excited for the new Land of the Lost, I can barely contain myself from watching the trailer over and over again at work. Not to mention that Hulu.com just recently posted all episodes of LotL.
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