Levels of Facebook Friendship

Well, it has certainly been a long time since I've posted.  Apologies, whatever.  Life gets busy, and then you realize your stress could be alleviated by making snide commentary on a sort of kind of anonymous blog.  So here's where we're at.  Jumping right in.
Another de-friend on Facebook!  What did I do to deserve this!?
I know, I "should" be a "grown up" and think, "wow, this person must be going through a tough time in life that they no longer want me to know anything about them." But instead, I think, "what the hell?  This girl I was "BFF" with, and truly inseparable from age 13-19 decided I'm no longer important enough to be considered a Facebook friend?  The most surface level of friendship that ever existed?
So, here are the levels of friendship that exist in Facebook:
1. I wouldn't recognize you on the street, walking in the crosswalk with you.  Maybe we had one 300-person lecture together in college.
2.  I might recognize you in a coffee shop, but not be able to place where I know you from.  It will probably eat at me for a few days until I remember your name, creep on you on Facebook, and find that we're actually Facebook friends.  Who knew?
3.  We used to be good friends at some point in our lives.  High school, college, family, whatever.  It's nice to see your facebook updates every once and awhile to remember you exist.
4.  We are acquaintances and I sometimes genuinely care about what's going on in your life.  I comment, like or post in your general direction.
(Here is where we move beyond Facebook)
5.  I would email you if a major event (baby, marriage, death) occurred in my life.  I will definitely post happy birthday on your facebook, and you might even get a phone call.
6.  Your birthday is on my calendar. I would actually call you if those things happened in my life.  You'd probably get invited to the baby shower, wedding, or funeral.
7.  You'd be heavily involved in the baby shower (godmother), wedding (wedding party), or funeral (reader or pallbearer). I would expect you to cry actual tears at all of these.

So the girl in question is somewhere between 4 and 6.  Her birthday was on my calendar, which is how I noticed she defriended me.  Because it's today.  She almost got a facebook post. What did I do to deserve it? Alas, I also was defriended by a Bestie's ex.  But she's a C yoU Next Tuesday, so that's fine. I've known her since we were 5, so I can say that.

So instead of being a grown up, I think next time I'm in my hometown and see these lovely ladies, I'm going to be sure to be just liquored up enough to make it awkward by mentioning it. Can't wait.

This is why I can never be an adult.

You are smack dab in the middle of my shame spiral, as outlined by Allie, the most hilarious blogger of all time.

Read her hilarity here.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

Story of my life.  Now that the BFF has left the country (for all intents and purposes) for the next 5 months, maybe I will be able to hop back on the blogosphere bandwagon and continue to regale all 2 readers (you know who you are) with tales of woe.

Craigslist

Well, BFF and WIBFF have decided we need to get some more friends.  I decided we should have an open casting call via craigslist.  Here is my posting:

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/stp/1653243206.html
A few fun, mid 20-something ladies looking for some applicants for new friends. These applicants will be well groomed, courteous, and have a minimal creep factor. Applicants will be well compensated in movie partners, fast text responses, fantastic families to be a part of, pub crawls, correct grammar, the occasional trip to Brainerd, free lodging during Summerfest, disdain for non-Miller products, and the best friendship ever.

Why would you want to be friends with us, you ask? Here summarizes our best qualities:
New BFF #1: Recent transplant to the Twin Cities from Milwaukee. Likes to contribute to conversation by yelling over the speaker, but insisting that she’s still listening. Works in advertising and has a hilarious outlook on most of life. Always carries Kleenex, just in case you need it (selfless, see!).
New BFF #2: Works with kids, but swears like a sailor. Can hang with the best when chatting up Gopher sports and declaring her love for the Twins. Enjoys Miller Lite and blogging about her dating life. Will take you down in Big Buck Hunter, mostly because she’s a redneck at heart.
New BFF #3: Works in non-profits and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is. Has a special place in her heart for sharks and Shark Week. Wants olives in her beer, thank you very much. Loves to cook, kind of sucks at it. The instigator of this friendship finder. Loves to laugh and sing during karaoke.

The 3 of us find that we get along best with male friends, but we do have a few other close female friends, most of whom live out of state.

You might be an ideal candidate for friendship if you possess one or many of the following qualities:
-You are under 30ish. We’re not looking to be friends with our dads, but mid 30s is probably okay.
-You long to get in screaming matches over Wisconsin and Minnesota sports rivalries with some big fans from both sides of the cheddar wall
-You can carry on a conversation.
-You think a Friday night movie or spending time at a coffee shop “being social” might be ideal because really, we’re too old to go out every weekend and party like its 1999.

We will be at the Vegas Lounge (965 Central Avenue Northeast, Minneapolis) on Saturday, March 27th around 9:30 pm until midnight or later. Wear a red shirt or tie a balloon to your belt loops so we know you’re applying for the position. Look for us – we’ll be the 3 judging you. The code word is "Shark Week".
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Here's hoping we don't get killed!  But I have already received 6 e-mails about it, so clearly we're doing something right!  Shockingly, these haven't been super creepy, and actually quite funny and complementary.  Apparently I am a hilarious CL writer.