Clarification from the Hot 100

I have decided I should probably clarify why I want to do some of the things I want to do... so here's a glimpse into my crazy head:
1. Sneak into a "double feature" movie - and only pay for one!
I really want to do this simply because I love movies. I love crappy movies, sad movies, chick flicks, monster flicks, and porn. If I can get 2 for the price of 1 - my question is, why haven't I yet?
2. Have sex in a church. I grew up Catholic and I think I had my first kiss in a confessional. Not with a Priest, but with some boy from my grade school. I'm not atheist, but I might be a bit of an exhibitionist. If the church has a balcony, even better.
3. Stand up in a wedding. I need to be able to say I've done this once in my life. And I get to next summer, provided I don't kill my sister's fiance first.
4. Win an eating contest. I'm a big girl, and this would just be the ultimate showdown of my life. I am confident I can do an eating contest - but win? Yikes, that's intense. Maybe I should change it to "enter an eating contest", but technically I was in an eating contest 6 years ago. And I almost puked up Totino's Pizza Rolls, but so worth it.
5. Visit Ireland. I'm 50% Irish and there is a mountain apparently named after my family in some town with the Horkans.
6. Swim with sharks in South Africa. For those of you that don't know me, I am totally, weirdly obsessed with Shark Week. If I could call in sick for the entirety of the week (although all the shows are at night), I would in a heartbeat. And we all know why people watch shark shows. I want to see blood and guts, and preferably a human be eaten alive. As swimming with Great Whites is a dream of mine, and shark cages really don't do anything - Mindy, you're right, I should probably put this last on my list. Why South Africa? Ever heard of AIR JAWS???? You can borrow my VHS. Then you can come over for my "blood red" velvet cake during my Shark Week Party. There are also pigs in a blanket.
7. Tour the pyramids. Also, very strange obsession with Egypt/mummies/Middle Eastern religion. Nothing like sharks, but anytime I can catch a documentary on King Tut, I'm all ears.
8. Skydive. This would easily be one of my biggest fears of all time (terrified of heights). If I can put that fear aside for just a few seconds, I imagine it would be quite a thrill.
9. Bungee jump. Similar thought process.
10. Own a house. Nothing says "I'm a big bad grown up" like a mortgage!
11. Do stand-up comedy. I think I'm hilarious, so other people probably will, right?
12. Be on a radio or TV show about something other than work. Preferably Conan, SNL, or Orpah rather than Maury.
13. Go to Rome/the Vatican. And sneak into the Vatican Archives and not get killed (nerd alert!) Read Angels and Demons. And be Catholic. You'll get it.
14. Write a children's book. I had to write one in 8th grade and it was tons of fun. I really think I miss being a kid.
15. See an SNL taping. One of the best show on earth, as long as you haven't seen it after 2001 or before the Andy Samberg era.
16. Get certified in ASL translation. Took classes for 3 years, LOVED IT. Too bad I'm such a talker, and the Deaf professors always kicked me out. What a great way to enter into a new culture!
17. GET A NEW JOB. I hate my current job. It is a succubus.
18. See the Northern Lights. If I can't go to space (I think the fear of heights might be WAY much for that), why not bring space to me, i.e. solar flares?
19. See Stonehenge. Again, strange obsession with pagan religions... OR ALIENS!
20. Have a non-life-threatening parasite and poop it out. Just to say, "Oh you went to Jenny Craig? Well I have a tapeworm. 45 pounds in 3 weeks!" I would just really like to say that I had a parasite, I feel like it would be a very cool story. Maybe I'll just start telling people I had one. I watch enough Grey's Anatomy to figure it out!
21. Go on an archaeological dig and find something awesome. Nerd alert - love dinosaurs. LOVE them. I am so excited for the new Land of the Lost, I can barely contain myself from watching the trailer over and over again at work. Not to mention that Hulu.com just recently posted all episodes of LotL.