Pathetic excuse for a date

I admit, every once and awhile...

i.e. when my friends are gushing about their fantastic love lives, getting engaged, getting married, making little alien babies, and having more one night stands than Ashley furniture....

every once and awhile, I feel a little lonely.

Sometimes when this incredible bout of depression hits, I feel desperate. Enter: online dating. Best of all, I refuse to pay for this version of personal therapy, so I'm on a free site. Let's just say I will not commit to paying to go on a date because this way, I have better stories. Right? Right.

So recently, one of these little bouts of depression hit. Probably after being slighted numerous times when meeting groups of guys at the bar who would rather try to hook up with my obviously taken friends than the slutty, drunk version of me.

Anyhow, I agreed to meet this guy for happy hour in a public location so I would be heard if I screamed bloody murder. 7:30 happy hour???? Whatever, this guy doesn't have a clue about day drinking. So I agree for a Thursday night adventure. We agreed to this about a week and a half before the actual date. Then, out of nowhere he "deleted" his profile from the website - which meant I couldn't contact him to tell him it creeped me the fuck out or that I had other plans. Of course, I didn't have other plans, and my friends convinced me I should go because "what if he's the man of your dreams" or some other bullshit.

So I went, not remembering what he looked like (and not being able to do research since he deleted his profile), not having his phone number (because I have a strict "nobody gets in my phone before they get in my pants" rule), and pretty much a shitty attitude about the whole thing.

Showed up promptly at 7:20. Sat near the door until 7:30. Moved to the bar at 7:30, ordered a beer, and looked around, trying to see if there was a glimmer of recognition with any of the guys around. None. Paid for my tab at 7:40, left the bar at 7:45. I WAIT FOR NO ONE.

So yes, there you have it. I got fucking stood up by a guy whose name was "singing nerd", chose fucking Creed as his ultimate karaoke song, and was in a band that played at the Renaissance Festival. Never have I ever had such low self esteem.

And there you have it. Bitter with baggage seeks same.

Hot 100 - #24 complete!

I didn't even know what #24 was going to be, but I accomplished it this weekend.

#24 - Crash a wedding dressed as a superhero.

My friends and I dressed as the Justice League for Halloween, with Wonder Woman, Superman, Batman, and the Flash represented. We also had a cameo appearance from the Green Lantern, but he was a Michigan fan and thusly, doesn't count. The Punisher also joined during a hazy moment.

We enjoyed a night at Ghastof's in NE Minneapolis. The Friday night before Halloween, I expected costumes abundant. Nay, I tell you, we were definitely the only ones in costume for the first hour.

However, a couple was clearly celebrating their wedding reception on the dance floor at Ghastof's with 10% beer and nothing but their love to show. And I was there in a cape.

I am neurotic.

Or so says this website. I have a confession... for those of you that don't know me... I'm a little bit crazy.

I came across iamneurotic.com. After looking through some of the entries, I thought - well at least I'm not batshit crazy! I don't do THIS crazy shit!

And then I started clicking "me too!" because some started making sense. And it all went downhill from there.

Moral of the story, turns out I am a bit crazy. I posted my craziest, most neurotic tendency on this website here. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of this. Perhaps to get a ton of "me too"'s or maybe get zero so I thought I was uniquely crazy.

I got 18. And then I realized, not only am I crazy, but a shit ton of other crazies are out there in the world and I really need to watch my back (and ankles!).

I suggest you post your craziness on there just to test how nutso you are.

slumlord millionaire

Wow, guess it takes some time away to realize how much you really needed a vacation! I spent 4 days on the beach in Florida, then 3 days at Disneyworld. Totally amazing.

On Wednesday when I reveled in Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, and Epcot (yes, please ask BFF just how a "vacation" should be planned out to the minute), a record temperature was set - 96 degrees, "felt like" 104 - I relished every sweating moment of it. Weather was beautiful all week.

And THEN I came home. When our plane landed, it was 50 in Minneapolis. I almost died right there. And THEN it SNOWED.

And here's my point: My slumlord of a landlord/management company has put off getting us a new heater since May. Therefore, as the company is trying to install a new heater after the first snow of the year... I must say, not thrilled about my apartment being as cold as it is outside.

F this. Anyone know Minnesota rent withholding law?

Holiday roa-ohohohohohohohohohd.

(Cue National Lampoon's Vacation music)
("Holiday Road" in case your an idiot and have no sense of human decency, having never seen this gem of culture)

I get to go on a vacation! An honest to goodness vacation! Leaving on Friday, going to Florida for a wedding. Stops include Sarasota (wedding and 4 star hotel that cost more than the entire rest of the trip combined), Clearwater (beaches, bitches, and Bacardi), and Disneyworld (fuckin Mickey Mouse!)!

I cannot wait. I'll send postcards. Send a self-addressed, stamped postcard to:

This vacation is going to look really bad on my credit report
c/o Friends that have no social tact when planning destination weddings
19990 Debt Way
Overdraft, OH (the sound I make when I see the bill) 666-8008 (haha, boob)

I could use a sugar daddy right about now. But until I get back and have to face that reality, I am going to enjoy myself and my new fake-bake tan.*

*Please note - fake baking was necessary pre-Florida. Trying to avoid 3rd degree burns and heatstroke is tough on us Anglo-Americans.

Got any English in you?

Want some?

Bad decisions afloat. But they seemed so good at the time. Let's just say a certain "Staten Island" girl may or may not have rekindled a flame with an Englishman. Or boy. He finally turned 21, so I guess he's not a boy anymore. Note to self: stop calling him kiddo. It's officially inappropriate.

Let's talk bad decisions. What about such a bad decision makes it seem so good at the time? Assessing the facts, it almost always includes:
1. Alcohol
2. Karaoke
3. Accents
4. Slimy bar patrons that must be shooed away by a knight in shining armor
5. Friends who would rather see you make a bad decision than encourage you not to
6. Having to work the next day
7. Alcohol
8. Former Flames
9. Alcohol
10. Living up to your standards of being a cougar. Or a puma, or maybe even a little tiny kitten, but nonetheless too old for this quest.

What does a bad decision look like to you?

What. A. Jackass.

Kanye, Kanye, Kanye.

Such a jackass.

No words to describe.

However, I think there are a few social media outlets that are doing a great job of continuing to make him realize how fucking dumb and rude he is. For example:
http://kanyelicio.us/





And the facebook quiz "Where will Kanye interrupt you?" http://apps.facebook.com/wherewillkanlknbjh/quiz/questions




Genius, social media. Genius.