Paula's Urban Dictionary

Seems as though I use a lot of acronyms and slang in this blog, so I figured I would create a "dictionary" post I can come back to edit if I use it again.

Paula: This is my introduction to my alter-ego, Paula Rubinowitz. She's a sassy cougar from Staten Island who drinks too much. We all know we can't use real names online!! Enjoy her musings. Truthfully, my name is not Paula, I grew up in Wisconsin, and I'm maybe a puma, but not yet old enough to be a cougar. I really do drink too much, though.

BFF: Get a clue, Best Friend Forever. Normally, I'm referring to my best friend Cassafrass, whom I lived with since we were Freshmen in college at the U of M. Sometimes I use the term to sound like a moron.  **Update, this friend recently took a job in Florida aboard Disney cruise lines, so that means she started her own blog YAAAYYYYY!

WIBFF: Wisconsin Best Friend Forever. This is usually talking about my friend Katerade, or my friend Stef-o, or Amerous.  The 3 best friends that anyone ever had!  We went to high school together and pretty much all live 300 miles or more away from one another.  Except Katerade, she lives in Coon Rapids. 

Hammer: Ex. Ex-boyfriend, Ex-best friend, Ex-likes to sleep with and date my best friends. Think "Why do I keep hitting myself with this hammer?" -because it feels so good when I stop. **Update: Hammer and I officially have divorced our friendship, which really is okay.  We haven't spoken in over a year.


TNPM: The NonProfit Man. You can think of it as "The Man" trying to hold us all down. My day job. Also NPM when use of articles needs to be proper. I also work part-time for another non-profit. See The ONPM.

The ONPM: The Other NonProfit Man, my second job, part time, love it but really don't have enough time for it. Also known as "church NPM"

I like food more than my job.

As I sat home tonight watching Top Chef Masters on Bravo and truly wishing I even knew what was in a souffle, I realized how much I love food. Not that this is a life-changing realization, but I literally rushed home from church/meetings/etc. in order to watch this show. Don't get me wrong, I also love television, but it's the food factor that really gets me. Cook it, eat it, boil it, mash it, stick it in a stew. No matter how you dice it, I love food. (post soon to come: I need to get more out of my Y membership than a bill).

So my new roommate, the WIBFF, has aversions to the Food Network. I forsee this as a large problem, considering I watch it ANYTIME I get the remote. Especially at 11 or later, when you're very likely to catch Iron Chef America.

This is going to be a big problem. Without my daily dose of Rachel Ray, Alton Brown, and Bobby Flay, I might shrivel up and die of not knowing how long I should store spices before I need to throw them away! How will I know if my meal will take 30 minutes or less, and daresay, what if my prize winning mediocre tolerable egg salad doesn't get chosen for "Throwdown" because I missed the commercial for the casting call!!?!?!?!?

This is TOO much to handle.

Layoff Shmayoff

TNPM has made some drastic changes over the past few months in order to be proactive about the state of our budget. These changes included (but were not limited to) 4 furlough days, mileage reimbursement decrease, and our leadership team taking a pay cut.

Well, these changes were rolled out in March, with the promise that TNPM would keep us posted if things looked grim for the upcoming fiscal year. This past Thursday, we found out just how grim.

Looks like we're about $4.5 million dollars shy of our 2010 budget (non-profit standards require earning money one year and spending it the following year). As our "last option", this means staff cuts.

We have 350 employees in our division. Let's pretend that the average salary+benefits per employee is $60K (probably assuming low, since this would be my average, and I'm low on the totem pole). Still assuming 60K, this would be 75 employees let go. My department is the "money making" department (vs. money spending), but we're also 35% of the staff.

If this were a mathematical equation, it would look something like this:
[($4.5M/$60K)*35%]=P

Whereas P is the probability I will be FUCKED in a week and a half when we have our "big" conference call to roll out the "staffing transition". Perhaps a blessing in disguise, since I really hate my job right now. Fire me please!!!!

Okay, maybe not really... but what better opportunity to look for a new job like my life depends on it. Because it does.